I've oftentimes spoken these healing words: "God can heal what we choose to reveal." I mean them every time I say them to others. But this past week, God gently reminded me that sometimes, we (I) need to anoint ourselves with the same healing words we so easily share with others. You see, this month marks the 40th anniversary of my abortion... and I was not consciously acknowledging it.
In May, I began to get laser focused on a big trip that was coming up for me and my husband in June which was a month long sojourn to see family and friends. This precious time away was to be nestled around an anointed appointment in Columbus, Ohio where I was to give my abortion testimony. I was so bound and determined to plan almost every detail to a tee that I neglected one important thing: honoring the memory of my conception, the "dash" of my baby Ellen's life and her abortion. While my MIND was busy making connections with family and friends, my GUT was busy binding up the memory of the 40th year anniversary of an important psychological trauma I was consciously ignoring. For about 6 weeks my gut went haywire. All the time I was feeling mentally happy about our epic trip, my body was physically miserable. Nothing had changed in my diet or exercise routine enough to have warranted such a revolt. What I ignored MENTALLY made me suffer BODILY.
Finally, I was asked by a new friend, who I know to be a prayer warrior, how I was doing. And this time, instead of saying I was 'fine' I asked for prayer, I told her why I needed prayer and I mentioned the anniversary. And then I told two more prayer warriors. And then 8 more. And by that evening my healing had begun. God simply wanted me to acknowledge the anniversary of my profound loss and turn it over to Him in prayer. He wanted me to reveal my pain so that He could heal it.
If this blog sets someone else free today to speak your pain to another then, 'Hallelujah!' If it keeps you from bottling up the hurt you feel on a tough anniversary then, 'thank you Jesus!' I pray it doesn't take prolonged suffering to become aware that God wants better for us then we want for ourselves. But in case it does, let this be a cautionary tale that even what our primary brain wants to forget, our secondary brain (our gut) will most surely remember.
Much love, Sylvia